Backlog #1

Sunday, June 15th (Father's Day)
You've stood me up twice now. You barely spoke to me this weekend. It hurts so much, the way you treat me. And it hurts even more because you never acknowledge it. I have no idea what I mean to you- probably nothing, outside of some sick, sadistic ego boost. You're probably cheating on me as well. You lie to me constantly. You expect SO much from me and I am allowed no expectations in return. This is by far the stupidest thing I have ever done to myself. I hurt all the time. I can't lose you again, though. I hate everything. I hate you. I hate her. And worst of all, I hate myself. Fuck you. I love you. Please call me, you piece of shit.

Why won't you hold me? Why won't you stay with me? Why won't you tell me you love me? I love you. Am I nothing more than a conquest to you? Can't you EVER be there for me when I'm in pain? Can't you ever comfort me? It's always all about you. You are the most selfish person I've ever met. I can't fix you. It's destroying me.

I can't understand why. I guess that's the worst part. I can't understand what the purpose is of any of it. Why can't I let you go? Why can't you let me go? Why can't you let me get over you? If you don't care, let me move on. You are so, so mean to me. Why do I take it? I'm sure that's exactly what you want to hear. You love that you got me and you love that you still have me. Wtf.