September, 29, 2008
ANOTHER shooting in Westport! I was with my friend, Sara, at Harry's on Sat. night after I was done working. They called last call, we paid our tabs, and went our separate ways. I got a message from her today that when she went to her car in the Sunfresh parking lot, the SUV next to her opened its sunroof and preceded to fire at the car on the oppposite side of her with a fucking MACHINE GUN!
This is getting ridiculous. I am as careful as I can be when I am out. I never walk alone and I try to be aware if my surroundings. But I can't just stay out of Westport. I WORK there. And this is really starting to freak me out. Please be careful, my friends. And please, say a little prayer to whoever for your girl. I really like being alive.
FUCK.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
B.O.B.
Sept. 24th, 2008
SQUEEEEEEEEAK! That is the high-pitched squeak of a middle school girl with a crush. That's all for now.
SQUEEEEEEEEAK! That is the high-pitched squeak of a middle school girl with a crush. That's all for now.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
up to date
So that's it. From now on, posts will be new and relevant to my current situation. It took me awhile to get the nerve to publicize my thoughts, but this is so goddamn cathardic, I am sure you will be hearing plenty more from this girl. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. I hope some people can relate. I guess I'm never alone on the internets.
More to come....
-e-
More to come....
-e-
Backlog #4
August,13th 2008
Ok, I think I've FINALLY figured it out. As much as I hate to admit it, the author of "He's Just Not That Into You", has a fucking point. Side note: I don't hate to admit that because I'm some sort of delusional woman. I just think that guy's a douchebag.
Anyway...
There is two sides to every 'game'. In the past 6 weeks, I've been on both sides of this 'game'. The interaction between one interested party and his/her prey takes only two forms. Everything in between is bullshit. The bullshit is perceived as a necessary evil, but once you can recognize it, it is just annoying. Invariably, there is one party more interested than the other. This is just the way life works. Sometimes you are the alpha dog and sometimes you're the whiny little bitch in the corner. Such is the way of the world. However, this is not my point. My point is, once you've been both, you can recognize the characteristics of either party.
You don't have to make excuses to get out of seeing someone you really want to see. Equally, if someone is making excuses to get out of seeing you, you are not the person they would rather be spending time with. It is as simple as this: when you feel that fire, that chemistry, that only rarely comes with meeting someone you really like, there is nothing short of a house fire that will keep you away from that person. Similarly, when someone does not feel that, there is no short list of excuses to refuse the advances of the more enamored party. It's so simple. The chances of you both being equally into each other are so slim, it's no wonder I wander this city alone.
So, to all of those I was clingy to, I apologize. I liked you and I didn't get it. It won't happen again, I've learned my lesson. Not that I ever wanna see you again, that would be embarrassing, but you have helped all my future dates. And to all the people I bullshitted because you were more into me than I was into you, I'm sorry as well. I thought this game was necessary but from now on, I'm not going to waste the time. I either like you or I don't and vice versa, and since relationships never work out anyway, I am done wasting my time feeding or receiving bullshit. Ah... the freedom!
More the next time I learn something. Good night.
Ok, I think I've FINALLY figured it out. As much as I hate to admit it, the author of "He's Just Not That Into You", has a fucking point. Side note: I don't hate to admit that because I'm some sort of delusional woman. I just think that guy's a douchebag.
Anyway...
There is two sides to every 'game'. In the past 6 weeks, I've been on both sides of this 'game'. The interaction between one interested party and his/her prey takes only two forms. Everything in between is bullshit. The bullshit is perceived as a necessary evil, but once you can recognize it, it is just annoying. Invariably, there is one party more interested than the other. This is just the way life works. Sometimes you are the alpha dog and sometimes you're the whiny little bitch in the corner. Such is the way of the world. However, this is not my point. My point is, once you've been both, you can recognize the characteristics of either party.
You don't have to make excuses to get out of seeing someone you really want to see. Equally, if someone is making excuses to get out of seeing you, you are not the person they would rather be spending time with. It is as simple as this: when you feel that fire, that chemistry, that only rarely comes with meeting someone you really like, there is nothing short of a house fire that will keep you away from that person. Similarly, when someone does not feel that, there is no short list of excuses to refuse the advances of the more enamored party. It's so simple. The chances of you both being equally into each other are so slim, it's no wonder I wander this city alone.
So, to all of those I was clingy to, I apologize. I liked you and I didn't get it. It won't happen again, I've learned my lesson. Not that I ever wanna see you again, that would be embarrassing, but you have helped all my future dates. And to all the people I bullshitted because you were more into me than I was into you, I'm sorry as well. I thought this game was necessary but from now on, I'm not going to waste the time. I either like you or I don't and vice versa, and since relationships never work out anyway, I am done wasting my time feeding or receiving bullshit. Ah... the freedom!
More the next time I learn something. Good night.
Backlog #3
Saturday, Aug. 2nd, 2008
If I were to write a personal ad:
*Submissive, hetero-flexible girl seeks punk-rock pretty-boy who loves pink haired girly-girls and hates clingy women*
Ok, that headline wasn't completely accurate. I'm not that specific, but hey, might as well go big or go home, yes?
Me: 25, 5'7", thin but not tiny, blonde hair with hot pink streaks, green eyes, couple tattoos, few piercings. I'm a graphic designer and a cocktail waitress. I drink, I smoke, and I have a pretty vulgar sense of humor. I love my cat, my friends, and my freedom to just be. I have a masochistic streak in the bedroom but DON'T tell me what to do in real life. I'm not jealous so you don't need to be either. I love art and art history. I like to cook but I'm bad at it. And if the weather's nice, you'll find me by the pool with a cocktail. I don't care what time it is. I work hard and I play hard.
You (in my perfect world): Punk or new wave style, tattoos, piercings, spiky hair, and if you like to occasionally wear eyeliner, I am really, really ok with that. You play in a GOOD band. You have a swagger to you. You're charming, bold, and a little but of an asshole, but not to me. Cos I'm you're favorite. You're not super-macho, but if a punch needs to be thrown at a well-deserving asshole, you're all over it. You enjoy going out, but you don't need to every night. You let me go out with my girls and you don't call when I do. You can trust me, it's fine. I will let you do the same. Must love sex. I don't care about your job or your financial situation. I have enough money for myself but not enough for two of us. I won't spend yours if you don't spend mine.
You (in real life): Alternative style and attitude. Taller than me. Be nice on the street but throw me around in the bedroom. Be a decent human being and don't break any of the following rules:
1. You can't be married.
2. You can't have babies.
3. You can't LOVE Jesus.
EDIT: 4. You can't be a Republican.
Is that too much ask? Serious replies get my myspace so you can check me out.
If I were to write a personal ad:
*Submissive, hetero-flexible girl seeks punk-rock pretty-boy who loves pink haired girly-girls and hates clingy women*
Ok, that headline wasn't completely accurate. I'm not that specific, but hey, might as well go big or go home, yes?
Me: 25, 5'7", thin but not tiny, blonde hair with hot pink streaks, green eyes, couple tattoos, few piercings. I'm a graphic designer and a cocktail waitress. I drink, I smoke, and I have a pretty vulgar sense of humor. I love my cat, my friends, and my freedom to just be. I have a masochistic streak in the bedroom but DON'T tell me what to do in real life. I'm not jealous so you don't need to be either. I love art and art history. I like to cook but I'm bad at it. And if the weather's nice, you'll find me by the pool with a cocktail. I don't care what time it is. I work hard and I play hard.
You (in my perfect world): Punk or new wave style, tattoos, piercings, spiky hair, and if you like to occasionally wear eyeliner, I am really, really ok with that. You play in a GOOD band. You have a swagger to you. You're charming, bold, and a little but of an asshole, but not to me. Cos I'm you're favorite. You're not super-macho, but if a punch needs to be thrown at a well-deserving asshole, you're all over it. You enjoy going out, but you don't need to every night. You let me go out with my girls and you don't call when I do. You can trust me, it's fine. I will let you do the same. Must love sex. I don't care about your job or your financial situation. I have enough money for myself but not enough for two of us. I won't spend yours if you don't spend mine.
You (in real life): Alternative style and attitude. Taller than me. Be nice on the street but throw me around in the bedroom. Be a decent human being and don't break any of the following rules:
1. You can't be married.
2. You can't have babies.
3. You can't LOVE Jesus.
EDIT: 4. You can't be a Republican.
Is that too much ask? Serious replies get my myspace so you can check me out.
Backlog #2
Friday, June 20th
Well, I let you go. On Monday. I told you I was broken and you said nothing. That was all I needed to hear. You haven't spoken to me since. That shows that you don't care, as I always expected. This isn't a surprise to me. But it still hurts. However, I feel as though this pain will go away, unlike that pain I was dealing with for the past year. I hope this is a good thing because it's hard. Why is it so hard to let go of something that was never really there in the first place? I'm sure you would agree that I made it all up.
Well, I let you go. On Monday. I told you I was broken and you said nothing. That was all I needed to hear. You haven't spoken to me since. That shows that you don't care, as I always expected. This isn't a surprise to me. But it still hurts. However, I feel as though this pain will go away, unlike that pain I was dealing with for the past year. I hope this is a good thing because it's hard. Why is it so hard to let go of something that was never really there in the first place? I'm sure you would agree that I made it all up.
Backlog #1
Sunday, June 15th (Father's Day)
You've stood me up twice now. You barely spoke to me this weekend. It hurts so much, the way you treat me. And it hurts even more because you never acknowledge it. I have no idea what I mean to you- probably nothing, outside of some sick, sadistic ego boost. You're probably cheating on me as well. You lie to me constantly. You expect SO much from me and I am allowed no expectations in return. This is by far the stupidest thing I have ever done to myself. I hurt all the time. I can't lose you again, though. I hate everything. I hate you. I hate her. And worst of all, I hate myself. Fuck you. I love you. Please call me, you piece of shit.
Why won't you hold me? Why won't you stay with me? Why won't you tell me you love me? I love you. Am I nothing more than a conquest to you? Can't you EVER be there for me when I'm in pain? Can't you ever comfort me? It's always all about you. You are the most selfish person I've ever met. I can't fix you. It's destroying me.
I can't understand why. I guess that's the worst part. I can't understand what the purpose is of any of it. Why can't I let you go? Why can't you let me go? Why can't you let me get over you? If you don't care, let me move on. You are so, so mean to me. Why do I take it? I'm sure that's exactly what you want to hear. You love that you got me and you love that you still have me. Wtf.
You've stood me up twice now. You barely spoke to me this weekend. It hurts so much, the way you treat me. And it hurts even more because you never acknowledge it. I have no idea what I mean to you- probably nothing, outside of some sick, sadistic ego boost. You're probably cheating on me as well. You lie to me constantly. You expect SO much from me and I am allowed no expectations in return. This is by far the stupidest thing I have ever done to myself. I hurt all the time. I can't lose you again, though. I hate everything. I hate you. I hate her. And worst of all, I hate myself. Fuck you. I love you. Please call me, you piece of shit.
Why won't you hold me? Why won't you stay with me? Why won't you tell me you love me? I love you. Am I nothing more than a conquest to you? Can't you EVER be there for me when I'm in pain? Can't you ever comfort me? It's always all about you. You are the most selfish person I've ever met. I can't fix you. It's destroying me.
I can't understand why. I guess that's the worst part. I can't understand what the purpose is of any of it. Why can't I let you go? Why can't you let me go? Why can't you let me get over you? If you don't care, let me move on. You are so, so mean to me. Why do I take it? I'm sure that's exactly what you want to hear. You love that you got me and you love that you still have me. Wtf.
Introduction
Hello. I've been meaning to do this for awhile. I'm taking the plunge.
My name is Erin. I'm 26, single, working, living in Kansas City. I've been keeping a 'blog' on my desktop for some time now so a lot of my first posts will be dated from awhile back. I mostly talk about my experiences with being single is this poor city as it is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever known. Fun at times, stupid at times, but always ridiculous. *Please note the ironic title of this blog* I will try and talk about other things as I see fit, however, few things stir up my emotions like relationships (or lack thereof), so that may be the bulk.
Enjoy and here goes nothing.
Cheers!
My name is Erin. I'm 26, single, working, living in Kansas City. I've been keeping a 'blog' on my desktop for some time now so a lot of my first posts will be dated from awhile back. I mostly talk about my experiences with being single is this poor city as it is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever known. Fun at times, stupid at times, but always ridiculous. *Please note the ironic title of this blog* I will try and talk about other things as I see fit, however, few things stir up my emotions like relationships (or lack thereof), so that may be the bulk.
Enjoy and here goes nothing.
Cheers!
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